Thoughts on McCain From a Washington Outsider

Watched the debate the other night. This is what happened...

John McCain looked uncomfortable. Barack Obama looked like he was coolly waiting for his turn in a billiards tournament.



Tom Brokaw looks and sounds like Admiral Akbar

(Big ups to Stacy for uncovering the truth)


McCain makes it too easy for everybody (including me) to have a shot at him. What with his forced laughter, raging contempt for Obama, and neck skin that sags like a scrotum over his shirt collar. He represents the "old men that give out raisins on Halloween" demographic, which I normally identify with, but for president? No fucking way!

I like my old people staring plaintively out the window, complaining about the dirty forks at IHOP, glued to the Weather Channel even though they don't go outside, shuffling around the retirement home in a bathrobe, having cane fights, and ruining three dollar matinées for Kid Douche by coughing and grunting every ten seconds. Thank you very much.

McCain mistook Go-Gurt for a microphone at a recent rally. How is this furiously confused man going to act if he becomes president?




Also, muffucka looks like Mr. Burns






Abe "Grandpa" Simpson, too



And Cindy McCain's eyes. Jeeezus!



Imagine having sex with her. If she looks into your eyes when you're making sweet love, game over. Boner gone. You'd have to have do it in the dark, every time. That's a real turn-off, if you ask me.



It's pretty obvious who I'm voting for. But the race would be a little closer if McCain and his campaign team weren't so inept. I mean, Sarah Palin? Really? It's almost embarrassing.

The McCain that I liked in 2000 is gone. Whether he sold his soul for a shot at winning his coveted prize or just went bonkers isn't clear. You can check out his alarming change of heart in a series of articles that Chris Jones did for Esquire. He's had unlimited access to McCain since 2006, and the articles are fascinating. Sad, too. You can read part 1 here. Part 2. Part 3. Part 4.


Don't worry, no more political blogs until after the election, I promise.

This is what you really came here for, isn't it?

AA Bondy Struggles With Keanu Syndrome

His music is austere and his voice is distinctive. He is AA Bondy and I dig his lo-fi folk scrambled eggs.

Seeing the video that I included below was weird for me. I've been listening to his album American Hearts for a month now, mostly while driving. It's good road music for me, as it calms my natural tendency to start fires with mind-power like the characters in Wilder Napalm, Firestarter, and Kurosufaia. Wow, I didn't realize pyrokinesis was a film genre until I thought about those movies.

Digression!

Back to my earlier point about AA Bondy's voice and its relationship to the way he looks...

Listening to the voice of a person whom I have never seen, and forming a mental image of what they look like is something I do often. With tremendous satisfaction. As I grow downwards in the physicals, and wiser in the mentals, the images I form get increasingly more accurate. I can discern race, age, temperament, weight, and where somebody grew up just by focusing my laser cochleae on the cracks and twangs of the vocals that sing through my speakers. Notorious BIG sounds fat. Tom Waits sounds haggard. Garth Brooks sounds like mayonnaise wrapped in velvet. AA Bondy sounds like this...



But I was way, way off. Here's what he looks like in action...

Backstage Sessions : AA Bondy - The Mightiest of Guns from Hard to Find a Friend

Before he started singing, didn't you expect something different to emanate from his mouth hole? I did. He's too skinny for his voice. Somebody needs to force feed homeboy some fried chili-cheese & peanut butter sandwiches. Not for his sake, but for the integrity of the mental picture I have grown comfortable with.

Pre-digression intermission.
......................................................................................................................................................................

The only knowledge I possess is of pop culture. Mainly films, actors, and obscure trivia. Here's some information about who AA Bondy looks like, curated by the Kid Douche Fountain Foundation. Foghat!

Clifton Collins Jr. (Tigerland, 187, Capote) and Said Taghmaoui (La Haine, Three Kings, I ♡ Huckabees). Check it:



And AA seems to be rocking a Keanu beard, which is defined as a patchy formation of hair around the cheek and jaw area. This syndrome is widely considered to be the demon spawn of tornadoes and jackals. Patchy, wild, and swirly. Here's a tip: Never shine a flashlight directly at a K beard.

Check out the Keanu beard in bloom.



Count the Saddams.



In conclusion,
I like AA Bondy.
He sounds different than his face.
Keanu beard syndrome is the leading cause of death in Africa.
If you find a gun, tell an adult.




RadBread says:
"You are suffering this present punishment
because you failed to attend my
bar mitzvah."




P.S. AA Bondy is playing in Chicago at Schubas on November 10th.

P.P.S. We've reached the 100 post mark. God help us.

Sky Belch Pai Mei

Watched Kill Bill again, and it's still a massive achievement of kung-fu porn.

It's been documented that the inspiration for Pai Mei began when Quentin Tarantino stared into the soulful eyes of this simian creature, and visualized an unrelenting martial arts mentor with OCD of the beard-stroking variety.