Dirty Lips, Lucky Wife

I thought my father was a disembodied spirit, but the old man said, “I never died. There were nineteen of us drowned in the river, all of whom were eaten by the fish-goblins except myself."




It further appeared that my family was under fox influence, many strange things of this kind having happened before. Once, the mouth of a mule closed itself tightly, with a bulge visible from afar; and it was only when I cut it open with a knife that I saw my father curled up in it like a dog. I then helped him out, and asked him how he managed to get in; but this he was unable to say.




It is customary in my village, when any one is sick, for the womenfolk to engage an old sorceress or medium, who strums on a tambourine and performs certain mysterious antics. She stretches forth her neck and bounds several feet into the air, saying, “The spirits have come to eat” and immediately all the candles are blown out and everything is in total darkness.





Should there be any unbelievers among the party, the spirits are at once aware of their presence. “Disrespectful mocker! Where are your trousers?” upon which the mocker alluded to looks down, and lo her trousers are gone—gone to the top of a tree in the court-yard.

And should any daring fellow try to peep in while the séance is going on, out of the window darts the spear, transfixes his hat, and draws it off his head into the room, while women and girls, young and old, hop round one after the other like geese, on one leg, without seeming to get the least fatigued.




In the middle of their fun, up came a stranger with a face about three feet long and a very tall hat; whereupon the others were much alarmed, and cried out, “The hill spirit! the hill spirit!” running away in all directions as fast as they could go.

That night, I dreamed that the judge of Purgatory appeared, and, reproaching me with his base ingratitude, bade the devil-lictors seize me and scald my feet in a cauldron of boiling oil.



I then woke up with a start, and found that my feet were very sore and painful; and in a short time they swelled up, and my toes dropped off. Fever set in, and in agony I shrieked out, “Ungrateful wretch that I was indeed,” and fell back and expired.




A woodsman returned to the village, and when he arrived there in the dusk of the evening, he found several men holding lights to the ground as if looking for something. On asking what was the matter, they told him that while sitting together a man’s head had fallen from the sky into their midst; that they had noticed the hair and beard were all draggled, but in a moment the head had vanished.

Subsequently, another man was carrying a basket when someone saw a man’s head in it, and called out to him; whereupon he dropped the basket in a fright, and the head rolled away and disappeared. Such is the story of my head.

Bogus Rowboat Breakdown

The shu-mang is a poisonous herb. It is a creeper, like the bean, and has a similar red flower. Those who eat of it die, and become shu-mang devils, tradition asserting that such devils are unable to be born again unless they can find some one else who has also eaten of this poison to take their place.



Walking along the path into town, I was overtaken by a violent thirst. Now it chanced that a one-eyed priest came to collect alms in the town, and with him he carried a canteen.



Arriving at my destination, I felt a pain in my heart, which I at once attributed to the priest's elixir, telling my friend what had occurred. “Alas! you are undone,” cried the other; “he was a shu-mang devil. My father died in the same way, and we were unable to save him. There is no help for you.”



This worked me into such a state that I immediately laid a complaint before the magistrate. The priest was accordingly summoned and interrogated. The magistrate commanded his lictors to search him and from about his person they drew forth two wooden men, a small coffin, and five small flags.



Two months passed away, and I began to experience a feeling of great lassitude, which I tried at first to shake off, but by-and-by I became very thin, and could only take thick gruel.



One day, someone drew aside the screen and walked in. It was her. Approaching the bed she said with a smile,"I died young, leaving the web of my destiny incomplete, like the silkworm that perishes in the spring."



“I recollect my mother saying that when I was born I was able to speak and that, thinking it an inauspicious manifestation, they gave me dog’s blood to drink, so that I should forget all about my previous state of existence."



On the morrow, I went straight to my uncle's house. Two devils sat at the head of his bed, one holding an iron staff, the other a nettle-hemp rope four or five feet in length.



After a while he got angry at something I said, and drew from his robe a glittering knife about a foot long. Seeing him do this, I ran out in a fright. He then threw his dagger up into the air, and whoosh! a streak of light like a rainbow, and something came tumbling down with a flop.



I stopped, got a light, and ran to see what it was; and lo! there lay a white fox, head in one place and body in another. “There is your friend.”



When I returned to my house I found that, instead of my former poor-looking furniture, beautiful carpets were laid down from the very door, and thousands of colored lanterns were hung about in elegant designs.



In a few years I died, upon which a tiger walked in and roared its lamentations in the hall.



While my relatives were standing round the grave, out rushed a tiger, and sent them all running away in fear. But the tiger merely went up to the mound, and, after roaring like a thunder-peal, disappeared again. Then the people of that place built a shrine in honor of the Faithful Tiger, and it remains there to this day.




Dedicated to Joshua, who punches things that shatter.

Dick You, Bitch! Stop Me!

Once, when my son and I were hunting, I followed a gazelle, leaving my child to tend to our donkeys.

A She-ghoul swooped out of nowhere and ate my child.

A week went by, and when Friday came, a stranger raised his tent pole not far from my village.

He emerged from his shelter one night and wandered into a saloon.

“This is truly a fine moonlight night for a drinking bout,” he proclaimed, “It quite reminds me of the night when Prince Kang feasted at Pear-Blossom Island.”

I asked him if he was hungry, and on receiving no answer, pushed some food over towards him. The stranger immediately set to feeding himself by handfuls, and in no time a shoulder of pork and a quantity of boiled dumplings had disappeared.

His appetite was appeased and he turned to thank me, saying, “For three years I haven’t had such a meal.” He then drew a short sword from his belt, and, tapping the blade with his fingers, began to accompany it with a song.

The song put me to sleep and upon opening my eyes I was among the clouds, and around me was a fleecy atmosphere. Jumping up in great alarm, I felt giddy as if I had been at sea, and underneath my feet I found a soft, yielding substance unlike the earth.

“I am the Arcturus star," the stranger said. "Your friendship is cherished by me. Truly our destinies are knitted together, and I will repay your kindness by becoming your son.”

I said to him, “If you really are one of those wonderful creatures, you will be able to get me anything I want; and I should be much obliged if you would begin by giving me five ounces of silver."

Upon making my request, I was carried away by a typhoon. After being tossed about for many days and nights I arrived at a country where the people were hideously ugly.

Looking in a mirror, I saw an awful sight. I soon realized that the image in the looking glass was my own face. My eyeballs protruded, my beard curled up like a hedgehog, my ears drooped forward in flaps, and I had three nostrils.

It is a wise rule to resist the beginnings of evil.