Harvey Keitel's Sex Story Sanctuary

(This is an excerpt taken from my interview with Harvey Keitel on June 28th, 2020)

"Yeah, I like fucking chicks. So what? I dig the way my dick feels when I cum. I really like it when the broad is on her period and lets me bust inside. I don't need a fucking baby at my age. How old am I anyway? 

(checks his phone) 

81 years old?! Good lord, fuck my ass... 

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, there's nothing like cumming inside a chick.

One time, I think it was the summer of '72, I'm balling this chick, and I'm very excited because she's foxy as hell. We're fucking in the basement of her dad's building in Queens, I remember it being near the zoo. We were fucking in the basement near the boilers and everything.  Heavy duty bangin' for 20 minutes straight, and I'm getting tired, so I decide to hurry up and cum. I'm doing her doggy style, and I speed up. Just start pounding her really hard and fast and she gets to moaning and I'm jackhammering away at her pussy. I feel my whole body go stiff, and my dick gets real stiff, too. I can't move. My balls feel like somebody is squeezing them, and I get that feeling spreading around my unit like I'm on the verge of unleashing a whole mess of jizz. As I blow my load, time slows down. All I can feel is my prick and my balls. Everything else is black and empty. I get this high pitched ringing in my ears. Then I get hit with all this...footage. Visions flashing before my eyes. They feel real, but sorta fuzzy. 

I see my father thrusting a samurai sword into the belly of a horse. He walks alongside the horse, gripping the sword strongly, shredding the animal's insides as he goes. He pulls it out, winks at me, and turns into a walrus. 

I see the same walrus every now and again in my dreams. When I was a teenager, whenever I got angry, I would bring a bag of potatoes to the zoo and whip them at the walrus they got there. I feel bad about it now, but I have to admit I had a good time lobbing Irish Grenades at that fat fuck. 

As I'm looking into his eyes, I feel 8 tons of guilt. The walrus transforms into my first girlfriend, Sandy. Beautiful Brooklyn girl, but big. Built like a Buick. We would listen to Fats Domino records and make out. Then we would ride bikes down to Chinatown and giggle at those slant-eyed bastards. I don't like Chinese people very much, but they sure are fun to laugh at.

Then I'm taken back to reality. I'm still behind the girl in the boiler room. I'm still deep in her gash. I spurt 6 times. Every blast feels like a 4 day weekend. Time passes in inches. The cosmos is centered in my shvantz.

My goo? It's all over the place. I filled her up too fast and it didn't have any other place to go. My head starts feeling throbby, and my eyes go out of focus. The last thing I remember is this broad saying, 'Damnit Harvey, it's everywhere!' 

I black out. Wake up on the concrete floor of the boiler room with a headache. It's nighttime now. Touch my head where the pain is coming from. I'm bleeding, but not too bad. I get up slowly and my back is wet. It's cum. I came so hard that I passed out in a pool of my own nut. The chick is long gone. Left me there. 

It was the greatest day of my life."

Letter Home From Camp

Dear Mom and Dad,

Things are weird here. The camp director has surrounded himself with squirrels. I believe they are his personal army. I tried to shake his hand and a big brown one flew at my hand and bit me. How does he command their loyalty? Sometimes he balances grapes on his nipple tips and the squirrels launch themselves in the air and snatch the grapes. I want to come home but I know the squirrels won't let me.



The cabins we live in are primitive. My bed is hay. My pillow is dead birds. Spiders crawl in and out of my mouth. To them, I'm just a piece of terrain to cross. I am human! I deserve respect!

The trees here make noises like old people make. Remember the moaning man at grandma's nursing home? They sound like that. Something fell from a branch one day. It was a VHS tape filled with human teeth.



We came across a baby in the woods. He was swaddled in a Judas Priest t-shirt. This dickhead kid named Gerald put it in his backpack. He fed it Doritos and licorice, but I don't think babies like that stuff because it wouldn't stop crying. The camp director heard about the baby and took it away from Gerald. That night, one of the squirrels pissed on Gerald's face while he was sleeping.

My bowels are white and they move in the toilet. I'm listening to a lot of Prince.

They made this one kid dig his own grave and sleep in it for 3 nights because he said the camp director smells like horse cum. He does, though.

One of our counselors drilled a hole in a globe and lubed it up. We fuck it. The hole is near Brazil.

This letter might not find you in time. If I die here, don't look through my stuff. Just don't. I miss you guys so much and can't wait to leave this place. I love you both.