Take Me With You

According to the site tracker for this blog, people came across it by searching Google for:

"Ol' Dirty Bastard"
"spike lee huff paint" (seriously? is there something I should know?)
"Arnold's kid images"
"douches iceberg"
"india freespiritman*" (glad to have him aboard)
"baseball baby and names"
"a lorna doone obama" (I want one)
"gum drop soup" (gimme)
"Anthony Hopkins"
"suckosaurus"
"douche ball"

"Encore!!!" You got it, homey.

Anagrams!

Anagrams are words with the letters switched around to make new words, you fucking idiot! Whoa...I'm sorry. I flew off the handle there and I apologize. Let's start again.

I've chosen to rearrange celebrity names as an excuse to find their most unflattering pictures, and bask in some absurd word combinations. Let's do this shit!


(Better get used to this photo, folks. It's my favorite thing in the world right now. You'll be seeing it again, soon)

Mike Tyson
ink my toes
kite, my son
tiny smoke




Vladimir Putin
invalid rum pit
mini drip vault




Hulk Hogan
honk laugh
Ghoul Khan
klan hug, ho!




Quentin Tarantino
non-tit quarantine




Lou Reed
dour eel
ole rude

side note: Look at Lou Reed. This is how a Jew ages. Apparently, when God was making the chosen people, he forgot to check the "age gracefully" box. This is what I have to look forward to? Oy vey!



David Letterman
Milt, Dad Veteran
damn tater devil!




Fidel Castro
idle sac fort
steroid calf
slit rod face




Sarah Palin
I, nasal harp
Rash Lip Ana




Marlon Brando
lard born moan
bad nor normal




Anthony Hopkins
yank this phonon
phony honk stain
oh, thy napkin son

Gripes and Gifs, Please

Kvetching is a Jewish style of complaining that takes years of studying to perfect. Email me at shitforbrians@yahoo.com for lessons. It's $15/hr to watch me complain in a bathrobe. $25/hr for naked complaining. Bring towels.

(a few hours passed by between the time I wrote the first and the subsequent paragraph)

I was going to eloquently explain how much my day sucked, but who really cares? I had a panic attack at the dentist as he was drilling my face, jammed my finger under an air conditioner, had too little sleep, got a headache, a parking ticket, and lost $50 at a casino. That's what happened. But you know what? All of these things were my own damn fault. So I'm calling bullshit on myself for feeling like crap when I had the time to adequately prepare myself to face each bit of stress that blew my way. Story of my fucking life. Fuck it, here's some gnarly GIF's. And it's $30/hr for self-hatred lessons.

(These might take a few moments to load... Did you know that GIF is an acronym for Gary's innocent feelings? It's a fact.)








One of my all time favorites






There are rumors that there will be an Arrested Development movie sometime in the near future. I pray to jungle king Nicholas Cage that this is true.



Beaver Bounce!



Japanese sensation Hard Gay, Hooooooooo!

Watch Hard Gay here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NojM3BGMONM














Why does he need those earmuffs? His ear canals are completely fused together with Handi Snack cheese, rendering any further protection useless... Logical and mean-spirited arguments are my forte.












I went to the grocery store and saw a guy disappear by the bread. Zap!












Rats are inmates that snitch on or steal from other inmates. Mr. Belvedere should know better.



I'm really glad that my penis is circumcised. You should be more appreciative of my circumcised penis, gliding through the pines like a flying squirrel. Pines and penis share the same letters... I'm a crepe.





Wouldn't be a smörgåsbord without this fantastically roided out egomaniac. I bet this guy's family hates his guts for fisting the turkey last Thanksgiving. Afterwards, he told them to lighten up.


Help Me Rhonda,
Love,
Kid Douche