Jew Boo

I saw Fiddler on the Roof the other day with my family. And yes, there were Jews. So. Many. Jews.

There is a character in the play named Lazar Wolf. And with the fake peasant-Jew accent everybody uses, it sounds an awful lot like Laser Wolf, a character the writers should have considered. I believe that the addition of Laser Wolf -- an intelligent, powerful, and vindictive machine -- would make this musical more dynamic. Consider the facts.





Fact: A bunch of Russian Jews hiding a cybernetic wolf in their village, an outcast like them, is fucking heartwarming.

Fact: A mechanical wolf wearing a yarmulke is adorable. And a lucrative merchandising opportunity.

Fact: An old Jew assaulting Laser Wolf for drinking his kerosene is slapstick gold! Plus, it teaches children not to trust robots around fuel.




I look forward to meeting Laser Wolf. I know we'll become fast friends. But until that day, I will be very sad.