Thursday, April 9, 2009

Ouch, My Thorax!


Hiroshi never understood why girls didn't like him. He owned a successful extermination business. He was good to his parents. He was into jazz. He knew where to get Oxycontin. These were the traits women supposedly adored. Yet he couldn't get past the first date with anybody.

So he bought some audio surveillance equipment to record his dates. He studied his conversations and tried to pinpoint where everything fell apart. But analyzing the transcripts from several dates proved fruitless. He was still striking out with the ladies.

Here is an excerpt from his date with Diane, a charmingly obese law student...

Hiroshi: You look stunning tonight, Diane. When we traded photos online, I couldn't believe how gorgeous you were. Not like me. Why would someone like you want to be with me?

Diane: Aww, stop it Hiroshi. Don't be so hard on yourself. You're a sweet guy, and I like your bushy eyebrows.

Hiroshi: Thanks. You should see my bushy asshole.

...God, if you're listening, please help Hiroshi on his quest to enter the bone zone.


Scotch and Salad said...

great post. right up there with the knife-dick story.

Anonymous said...

agreed. Also: I always knew god didn't have shoulders.