Monday, May 25, 2009

Carl Winslow's Corner: Free Meatus

Hey gang! It's your ol' buddy Carl Winslow! Long time no ssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

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Derangement has re-nestified in my skull, folks. Gotta keep the turban on or else rat-thoughts spill out of my ears like wild rice. I just paid a visit to the sky doctor, LePete, and the outlook is very poor for ol' Carl. My symptoms are...

Collapsed left nostril.
Hazelnut-creme filled moles where my nipples should be.
Burning sensation when I shit piss...

Prognosis: Super lupus.

LePete prescribed a size 7 medicine hat and some cracker amulets, but that shit don't work. And he ate my fries when I went to the bathroom, too.

(sigh)

Been watching The Bozo Show on DVD. One episode over and over. Crystal forcefield protects my fridge. Haven't eaten in 11 days. I beat myself all across the head because of the hunger. Need to replenish or I'll die soon. My life flashes before your eyes...

Here's me as a young murder-honky...

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Here's me dead...

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Here's me midgetized...

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Here's me in the astral realm. Met my wife there. Murdered her. Had to. Her neck was filled with circuits...

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Oh yeah! I'm invisible. The freedom of invisibility allows me to stick things into other things. I can smoke PCP in the sewers freely. My love sprays forth. Chocolate sprinkles. For the first time in my life, I am content. Walk a mighty walk, Carl, for this is your day. Sleepy, though. Very tired. Asleep...

I'm awake again. This is a red and barren world. A place of torment. In the distance, a dark figure moves swiftly. A giant strobe light pulsates strongly in this realm. It's disorienting. And here come the whispers! What!? I don't believe in those ghosts! It tickles. My cargo shorts are soaked with a red liquid. My blood? No, it's just pigeon blood. Everything is alright. I just rained deathblows on some pigeons. Nothing new. Typical Thursday for Carl.

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Other things to report...

1. Glass omelette turned nephew's insides into shredded garbage.
2. The price of slacks has risen.
3. I found a Chinasaur egg on the bus.


Glue glue sniff sniff, right? Simple beauty appears in the center of all things. Always.

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CIA put a tracking chip in my arm. Loppin' it off tomorrow. Who cares? Not me.

That's all for today, Carl fans. Remember, I love you! Take my hand. Dream with me.

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3 comments:

Janet said...

i love you carl

Scotch and Salad said...

chinese guys are not "chinasaur eggs."

this is why they revoked your pass.

Anonymous said...

Things that make you go hmmmm