Letters From an Afflicted Admirer : Part 1

During my visit to Grand Rapids, Kellie showed me some creepy messages she received on myspace from a suitor who isn't suited for social interaction. Let's call him Troubled Tony, so as not to, uh, embarrass him further.

She received about 6 of them and replied only to the first one. The first one isn't that bad. The rest of them are. He must've thought that he was making progress, and therefore could reveal his inner feelings. His feelings are wrong.

I've met this guy a couple of times, and was startled by the level of casual dementia he exhibited.

Here is the 4th message, selected as an introduction to the madness. It's amazing.

I'm not joking. This is real. And unedited.

Here she is...



Date: Jan 12, 2008 6:03 PM

Subject: shrak vs. tomatoe

Body:
Hey, I think I want you to move to Wisconsin with me when I get back from Belgium if I go. Because your pretty fantastic. I'm going to build a farm there and underground bases on about 30 acres of land that I have. Then we have 5 acres here in Illinois to build on also. I'll get more eventually.
I might apprentice for an innovator in greenhouse technology. I go to lectures on farming. I already know what I'm going to build. Poured concrete and Dome structures with greenroofs and fish ponds. I want to be able to grow year long without the use of the sun. And outside with the sun. My domes will look like burial mounds! I talk to a lot of consultants about engineering, farming, and energy. I read.
You should come hang out with me. But you might not want to because I might be insane. And you don't know me that well.
I might have trouble communicating. But not really.
I just like the pictures you put in your general pane.
Yesterday my dad got me 192 cans of spray paint. He supports my graffiti now. It was $521.00. The most I ever spent on spray paint in one day. I got it from Arnie, he's our friend. A media consultant who owns TV production companies and produced my dads public access cable TV show. He also owns a paint distribution warehouse. He got me a job to animate a TV commercial for Amtrak. I'll get more TV jobs. I'm using the spray paint to make a mural in my little brothers new Dojo. (Martial Arts School)
Houston Alexander The Nebraskan Assasin (MMA UFC Fighter) is also going to paint something because he's a writer. But I'm OK with that. If it's wac I'll go over him.
I should probably move back to Hollywood where I know many good people and could get a good job but I'm going to try this farming thing first because there is a food crisis going on. And I will have time to build 3D models and work on my demo reel. Still. I'll go back to Hollywood soon enough. Now I need to learn more.
I am so bored.
You should come over and watch documentaries with me. Then maybe we could go bike riding or something? Please. Im so bored! I could die.
I'm suffering.
I hope your well!
Much love,
Troubled Tony



...Yeah, nothing wrong here.

My favorite part is when he breaks down and lays down some truth...

"You should come hang out with me. But you might not want to because I might be insane. And you don't know me that well. I might have trouble communicating. But not really."

These letters are gold!

Thank you, Kellie, for giving me permission to put out these hissing dispatches. And for the hospitality. Ben, too.

More to come, pilgrims!