AA Bondy Struggles With Keanu Syndrome

His music is austere and his voice is distinctive. He is AA Bondy and I dig his lo-fi folk scrambled eggs.

Seeing the video that I included below was weird for me. I've been listening to his album American Hearts for a month now, mostly while driving. It's good road music for me, as it calms my natural tendency to start fires with mind-power like the characters in Wilder Napalm, Firestarter, and Kurosufaia. Wow, I didn't realize pyrokinesis was a film genre until I thought about those movies.

Digression!

Back to my earlier point about AA Bondy's voice and its relationship to the way he looks...

Listening to the voice of a person whom I have never seen, and forming a mental image of what they look like is something I do often. With tremendous satisfaction. As I grow downwards in the physicals, and wiser in the mentals, the images I form get increasingly more accurate. I can discern race, age, temperament, weight, and where somebody grew up just by focusing my laser cochleae on the cracks and twangs of the vocals that sing through my speakers. Notorious BIG sounds fat. Tom Waits sounds haggard. Garth Brooks sounds like mayonnaise wrapped in velvet. AA Bondy sounds like this...



But I was way, way off. Here's what he looks like in action...

Backstage Sessions : AA Bondy - The Mightiest of Guns from Hard to Find a Friend

Before he started singing, didn't you expect something different to emanate from his mouth hole? I did. He's too skinny for his voice. Somebody needs to force feed homeboy some fried chili-cheese & peanut butter sandwiches. Not for his sake, but for the integrity of the mental picture I have grown comfortable with.

Pre-digression intermission.
......................................................................................................................................................................

The only knowledge I possess is of pop culture. Mainly films, actors, and obscure trivia. Here's some information about who AA Bondy looks like, curated by the Kid Douche Fountain Foundation. Foghat!

Clifton Collins Jr. (Tigerland, 187, Capote) and Said Taghmaoui (La Haine, Three Kings, I ♡ Huckabees). Check it:



And AA seems to be rocking a Keanu beard, which is defined as a patchy formation of hair around the cheek and jaw area. This syndrome is widely considered to be the demon spawn of tornadoes and jackals. Patchy, wild, and swirly. Here's a tip: Never shine a flashlight directly at a K beard.

Check out the Keanu beard in bloom.



Count the Saddams.



In conclusion,
I like AA Bondy.
He sounds different than his face.
Keanu beard syndrome is the leading cause of death in Africa.
If you find a gun, tell an adult.




RadBread says:
"You are suffering this present punishment
because you failed to attend my
bar mitzvah."




P.S. AA Bondy is playing in Chicago at Schubas on November 10th.

P.P.S. We've reached the 100 post mark. God help us.

Calculus Is For Bitches, And Of Course I've Done My Homework

Like any creatively bankrupt writer today, I'm starting with a list. Which you will read due to the fact that I am incredibly winning and know more about music than you. Today's list will be an accidental review. I will queue up all the music in my library and write reviews of random songs. This will be interesting for me due to the shared computer status of our home drive and will include music I haven't heard (yeah right). Let's start the show!

Andrew Bird - Skin Is, My

Normally, indie rock multi-instrumentalists kind of piss me off. It's the equivalent of bringing action figures to a playground to show that yes, you are indeed that cool. However, this particular song shows a lot of constraint and a really, really good Thom Yorke impression. The Radiohead influence is pretty prevalent (cue hatemail). The guitar line is hella catchy, though. The breakdown sounds straight off of Pablo Honey. I'm sort of torn here. I think as a pop song, it's pretty rad, and shows a lot of originality. Especially with the neat plucky guitar and the heavy drum breaks. Overall, I'd say it's an ultimately well composed song with really good vocal and guitar hooks, but I don't know if I'd listen to it more than a few times.

Atom And His Package - Meatball

Atom writes music for people who think They Might Be Giants is too edgy. I like it better than TMBG, because I don't like nerds or their rock music. Actually, fuck this song. He has way better tunes.

Bad Religion - Leaders and Followers

So I have the soundtrack to Clerks. It has a cool Alice In Chains song. It also has this punk tripe. I mean, how can any Bad Religion fan not feel gypped? They haven't been writing the same songs for 30 million years or anything. Yeah, I get it, the people must rise and shit. Is that any reason to have a singer that spews messages while sounding like a pissed off Grover? No. Learn another drum line for fuck's sake.

Sky Belch Pai Mei

Watched Kill Bill again, and it's still a massive achievement of kung-fu porn.

It's been documented that the inspiration for Pai Mei began when Quentin Tarantino stared into the soulful eyes of this simian creature, and visualized an unrelenting martial arts mentor with OCD of the beard-stroking variety.

Heart of Gold, Bones of Tin Foil

You. Me. Van. Wendy's. Whaddaya say?

Arnold Schwarzenegger: A Life in Pictures

Born in 1947 to an Austrian serpent pulper, Arnold Schwarzenegger grew up father-less and hat-less for a great chunk of his youth.


"What a rapscallion!" his mother would say, as Arnold would oftentimes sneak out of his cage at night to smoke angel dust with Nightbreed, a group of creatures who owned a gym next door. Higher than a frothing falcon, he started lifting weights to escape the sac-plumping drudgery of fainting for the entertainment of his mom's drunk friends. These nightly lifting sessions would prove to be pivotal in jump starting the career of Schwarzenegger, putting him on the path to greatness...



But no one said it was a smooth ride for the current governor of California, as these anecdotes told to me by his closest friend clearly show.


During intense psychotropic drug sessions, it was not uncommon for him to fly into a rage, attacking invisible demons and putting his dick inside a hollowed-out baguette. His friends dubbed these fits of anger, The Hour of Hot Broth.




His treasured friendship with singer/croissanwich Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas hit a rough patch when he visited her lair while she was in the middle of a huge meth binge.

Arnold begged her to cut the crank, and with his help, she did. She is currently pursuing a career in annoying the shit out of everyone.



During his self-proclaimed "goblin-perm phase", Arnold would wile away the hours with just his wizard cap and the conviction that his banjo pickin' would alter the face of, and ultimately destroy his brother-in-law, Kiddie Pool Williams. It worked.



To make ends meet, Arnold sold faggy dolls out of the trunk of his Buick. These toys helped pay for olive oil, Kool-Aid, and Dragon Ball Z fan fiction, which gave him an edge during body-building competitions, as other strongmen would often vomit when confronted with the spectacle of a half-naked man drinking Kool-Aid while shoving corn into a doll's eye socket.





Austrians celebrate St. Bebop Day by huffing alligator eggs, and Hot Topic approved heart pullage.






Sucking the poison from the beast known only as Greg, Arnold would beef his nephew in the gizzards, puffing like a Jurassic dinosaur from a movie whose title I can't recall.




While his womanizing is well known, little is known about how many illegitimate children he has fathered, and where they might be today. This peculiar photo was taken outside of Austin, Texas last year.




These recent photos suggest that he has shrunken quite a bit after a disastrous visit to the Epcot Centaur, a beast that dwells underneath Disneyworld. The magical prowess of this creature is unknown, as few who have encountered it have escaped. When contacted about the story, Arnold refused to comment, preferring to brag about his new tent, which he described as way cool.

(via Arnold Height)


RadBread says:
"To walk safely through the maze of life,
one needs the light of wisdom,
and the guidance of Gatorade."

Impregnate All Them Nuns

Been watching too much TV lately. Political shows reinforcing my beliefs, never expanding. Cartoons overloading my senses. Chicago Cubs team that shows no heart. Gave True Blood a chance. First four episodes are 95% shit. Not gonna watch it anymore. Short sentences becoming pretentious.




No more clothes for me. Too much maintenance. No more showers. Too wet. Stomach-aches gone when I get doctors to take belly away and pass into non-eating dimension. Heaven is no body maintenance. No pee. No shit. No shower. No shave. No teeth. No eat. No drink. Heaven doesn't exist. Oh well.

Honor and the Path of Radiance

(via BearMythology)


RadBread says:
"Ripples change,
Ripples appear and disappear,
There is perfect tranquility,
When one transcends both life and extinction."