How to Lose 5 Pounds of Superstition

Religion baffles me. As a child, I would ask the Hebrew school teacher questions like, “How exactly do we know that this Noah’s Ark story is true?” and “Why does god need to be praised constantly? Does the lord not know that I’m on his side? Even my mom knows that I love her and I’m a complete prick. Yesterday, I spit milk into the dryer and hissed at her, but we’re still cool. Explain that, Mrs. Pearlman. With your precious Torah.”

In conclusion: I am an asshole, ignorant of faith.

(via Tessa Farmer)