Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Beginners Guide to LSD

So you want to try acid, eh? Expand your mind, man?

You want to experience an abundance of tingly thoughts and short circuit some neurons, do ya? Wanna smell the color green and taste a Jimi Hendrix guitar roar? Well, go fuck yourself, pal. If you do LSD, you will end up spending the night on a picnic table with Professor Pigeon. Is that what you want? Professor Pigeon will drone on and on about that time he found a glowing wedding cake in the dumpster. This is not your destiny.

But I can't stop you if your mind is already made up. My role is that of an adviser on your stupid journey of pointlessness.

With that being said, here's some do's and don't do's when attempting to ingest LSD.

DO - Take acid in the company of a WindMilf (wind-mother I'd like to fuck)

DON'T - Wear cargo shorts at any time. Trust me. Just don't.

DO - Brush you hair while repeating, "I am immortal. The milk sphere has been pierced!"

DON'T - Have any guns or weapons in the house. Don't even draw a knife on your fridge with a purple crayon. No weapons. They hold negative connotations and make panic meters sway into the red zone.

DO - Have kiwi cream Oreos and dolphin-shaped chicken tenders ready to go. Any whimsical treat is good. Sprinkles are recommended.

(via Ronald Kurniawan)

DON'T - Take acid during a rainstorm.

DON'T - Take acid when it's sunny.

DO - Call Pizza Hut and hang up. Every hour. But, don't answer any questions they may ask you. They're not real, ignore them.


Still want to trip your balls off? Could be weird. Why not take a spin in a sensory deprivation tank instead? You'll be surrounded by less losers, nobody can see you drool, and samurai sword wielding spiders won't make you kiss your parents.

Uh-oh! Bad trip, man. Block it out. The shadows can't hurt you. Take off your clothes and wash them. Focus on the eels. They will guide you along the path of illumination. The fractals you see are all in your mind. Low hanging trees asking for canned corn? That's weird.

Phew! Glad that's over...

Kaleidoscope Tokyo dream runner sequence initiated

(via Pink Tentacle)

Relax. You're in a safe place, now.


(via Ana Bagayan)

Final Tip:
"Never follow a hippie to a second location."
-Jack Donaghy

This concludes today's lesson. Smell ya later.


Pancake Master said...

I want to take acid with a WindMILF so, so badly.

Anonymous said...

I just took a blotter. Wish WindMILF were here!