Friday, November 21, 2008

8 Creepy Pick Up Lines

Over the past week or so, Lee and I (with some collaborative help from Monty, Lindsey, and Rob) have been brainstorming a bunch of creepy pick up lines. Lines that convey a slippery grip on sanity, and an utter lack of human communication skills. We wanted to prove that one sentence, spoken with the awkwardness of 5 senior proms combined, can strike fear and uneasiness within the hearts of women worldwide.

Warning! If you actually say these things to a woman, you'd better know how to take a punch in the dick.

But two things first;

1) These also qualify as things you don't want to hear while walking alone in a dark alley. Boy or girl.
2) Use a gruff, axe-murdery, unsettling interior voice when reading them. Trust me. Way better payoff.

Also, whisper one of these lines to your dad, and send a picture of his reaction to me at shitforbrians@yahoo.com. You will be rewarded with Cheez-Its.

Here's them gems...



1. "Time to look at my jammies."

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2. "Do you like soft things?"

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3. "In 15 minutes, we won't even be here."

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4. "You smell cultural."

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5. "Milky Pete wants his bologna."

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6. "They found ticks in me."

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7. "Hostage party!"

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8. "Wanna take a ride in my giggle buggy?"

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Well, I'm off to the bars, ladies.
Smell ya later.

4 comments:

Pancake Master said...

Cable Guy, here to take hostages for you!

Kid Douche said...

hahaha! Cable guy...daughter's dead.

Joshua Bloodgin said...

spark my plug, sugar

Scotch and Salad said...

baaaasketballlll...