8 Creepy Pick Up Lines

Over the past week or so, Lee and I (with some collaborative help from Monty, Lindsey, and Rob) have been brainstorming a bunch of creepy pick up lines. Lines that convey a slippery grip on sanity, and an utter lack of human communication skills. We wanted to prove that one sentence, spoken with the awkwardness of 5 senior proms combined, can strike fear and uneasiness within the hearts of women worldwide.

Warning! If you actually say these things to a woman, you'd better know how to take a punch in the dick.

But two things first;

1) These also qualify as things you don't want to hear while walking alone in a dark alley. Boy or girl.
2) Use a gruff, axe-murdery, unsettling interior voice when reading them. Trust me. Way better payoff.

Also, whisper one of these lines to your dad, and send a picture of his reaction to me at shutyourcunt@yahoo.com. You will be rewarded with Cheez-Its.

Here's them gems...



1. "Time to look at my jammies."





2. "Do you like soft things?"





3. "In 15 minutes, we won't even be here."





4. "You smell cultural."





5. "Milky Pete wants his bologna."





6. "They found ticks in me."





7. "Hostage party!"





8. "Wanna take a ride in my giggle buggy?"






Well, I'm off to the bars, ladies.
Smell ya later.