Thursday, October 9, 2008

Thoughts on McCain From a Washington Outsider

Watched the debate the other night. This is what happened...

John McCain
looked uncomfortable. Barack Obama looked like he was coolly waiting for his turn in a billiards tournament.

Tom Brokaw looks and sounds like Admiral Akbar
(Big ups to Stacy for uncovering the truth)

makes it too easy for everybody (including me) to have a shot at him. What with his forced laughter, raging contempt for Obama, and neck skin that sags like a scrotum over his shirt collar. He represents the "old men that give out raisins on Halloween" demographic, which I normally identify with, but for president? No fucking way!

I like my old people staring plaintively out the window, complaining about the dirty forks at IHOP, glued to the Weather Channel even though they don't go outside, shuffling around the retirement home in a bathrobe, having cane fights, and ruining three dollar matinées for Kid Douche by coughing and grunting every ten seconds. Thank you very much.

McCain mistook Go-Gurt for a microphone at a recent rally. How is this furiously confused man going to act if he becomes president?

Also, muffucka looks like Mr. Burns


Abe "Grandpa" Simpson, too

And Cindy McCain's eyes. Jeeezus!

Imagine having sex with her. If she looks into your eyes when you're making sweet love, game over. Boner gone. You'd have to have do it in the dark, every time. That's a real turn-off, if you ask me.

It's pretty obvious who I'm voting for. But the race would be a little closer if McCain and his campaign team weren't so inept. I mean, Sarah Palin? Really? It's almost embarrassing.

The McCain that I liked in 2000 is gone. Whether he sold his soul for a shot at winning his coveted prize or just went bonkers isn't clear. You can check out his alarming change of heart in a series of articles that Chris Jones did for Esquire. He's had unlimited access to McCain since 2006, and the articles are fascinating. Sad, too. You can read part 1 here. Part 2. Part 3. Part 4.

Don't worry, no more political blogs until after the election, I promise.

This is what you really came here for, isn't it?

1 comment:

Pancake Master said...

It's pretty obvious for whom you are voting? Well sure, if we assume there are only two candidates, and you're voting for the one you didn't ridicule here.

Not saying the ridicule is misplaced, more like the two-party system is a crock. I'm not voting for either of these clowns.

McCheese in '08!