Monday, September 15, 2008

Carlos Zambrano Throws No-No, Big Z No Hits The Astros and Makes Kid Douche Happy

True Story/ Sports Story alert!

Chillin' with some women out in Logan Square (yeah, I'm LL Cool J), when I get a text from my friend and fellow Cubs fiend, Mr. Lee Kitzis. It reads, "Tell me you saw that!". Obviously I didn't see whatever he was talking about. I gave him a ring on my way home and he was speechless, and wouldn't tell me what happened until after Mad Men at 11. Bastard. Get a DVR, you cheap Jew.

I figured something must have gone down, so I turn on the radio to hear some sport-schlock host utter the words, "Carlos Zambrano throws a no-hitter." I was flabbergasted, excited, and overcome with joy. Not profound joy, mind you, like when your child beats up another child for the first time, but genuine happiness nonetheless.


Big Z and Sweet Lou. Awesome.
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(via Snarling Mess)



"I told you, Felipe! Ghosts can't play baseball!"
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Eat your heart out David Blaine and Criss Angel. My man can levitate. My man also cries when he watches The Bodyguard starring Whitney Houston. Buk Buk!
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Wow, Future Zambrano looks warlock-ish
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And young Zambrano has eyebrow issues. It's too bad he puffed out like a popcorn kernel with age, although then he wouldn't be Big Z, would he? All I'm saying is that mayonnaise in a sports bottle might have worked for him, but I'd advise young pitchers out there against it.
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"Who goes there?"
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Rad
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A dice game in the dug-out gets heated when Big Z catches Michael Barrett using a weighted die.
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I wanted to catch the highlights and hopefully see a replay of the game sometime in the wee hours. I saw lots of Sportscenter highlights, but no such luck on the replay front. I bet I'll have to go on eBay to buy a second generation dub of the game from some schmuck who blasts Limp Bizkit in his dad's Toyota Corrolla every Thursday.

Wow, I guess the no-hitter didn't affect the rage section of my gyros (brain).

I've been a Cubs fan since I was born, and this ranks in the top 5 Cub moments of my life. My mom was always a huge Cubs fan and went to 30+ games a year in the late 60's, so I was handed down certain traits, like taking great pride in coming close, but ultimately failing. I used to come home from day camp in the summer and watch Andre Dawson, Ryne Sandberg, and Mark Grace on WGN. Afterwards, I'd take a huge shit for a kid my age. Oh, the memories. I also worked security at Wrigley Field from April to mid-May of this year, but that's another story, and not a happy one.

Lee and I share a common bond by being both Jews and Cubs fans. Two strikes, right? But that no-hitter makes being a Cubs fan worth it. And when the Cubs lose in the playoffs again next month, I'll look back on this day and smile. Through gritted teeth, I'll smile.

1 comment:

Ghost of the Fart said...

Ghosts can't play baseball? Well then what does that mean for me? Will Scouts no longer seek me out and play hopscotch with my navel?