24 Baby Names

I've always wanted to have a baby for strictly selfish reasons. It's like owning a fleshy entertainment vessel that leaks various fluids my wife has to clean up. He/she would ride dogs, swear at bill collectors over the phone, and swallow Christmas lights.

The best part about having a baby is that you get to name it whatever you want. And if I'm going to scar my child for life anyways, why not do it right off the bat, with a name that will be legally changed when the Department of Child Services takes it away.

A good way to check if a name has comic potential is by inserting it into the following sentences:
Baby name, clean your room!
Baby name, you call this a report card?
Go to sleep, baby name.
Mommy loves you, baby name, but daddy needs pills to love you.
Try them out with the names below.

Here's a list of baby names I'm considering:


1. Dracula



2. Detective Wong



3. Ragnarok


4. Predator Janitor

(via Uncyclopedia)


5. Drugs

(via Animal)


6. Typhoid Carrier



7. Ocho Bologna



8. Igloo Truth Ruth



9. Goiter Flap Zack



10. Pope Poe



11. Cigarettes



12. Slavery Funtime



13. Inspector Tanaka

(via imddesigner)


14. MC Warlock Vomit



15. Boils St. Nundumper



16. Pizza Party



Fatlip (vidcap above) from "What's Up Fatlip?" directed by Spike Jonze. (I used Daily Motion because the quality of the same video on Youtube was awful, so just full screen the snizz)



17. Owl Knobs



18. Swamp Nipple Sploder



19. Early 70's




20. Cerebral Paul
(Here's Josh Blue, a comic with cerebral palsy. He's actually an okay comedian, only a little too reliant on the fact that all his jokes are about being disabled, but that's his shtick. Besides, have you ever seen any stand up comedy on BET? Being black is their shtick, so I guess you play the cards you're dealt. I know... I'm the deepest, brah)


21. Spiders



22. Coffeepot Tinbuckle

(via forty-six+two)



23. Suntan Lotion


Here's an unrelated PSA. It's British, and it's pretty creepy.



24. D'Brickashaw Ferguson...oops, already taken