Monday, August 4, 2008

My Mustache is Numb

True Story Time!

What a fucking day! I get up early at around 10(early for me, and for the United Unemployed Local 72), so I can drink coffee, shit, shower, and watch the second half of Ronin before having my mouth explored and drilled for blood diamonds.

This scene with Michael Lonsdale weaving a tale about lost samurai warriors while painting miniature ronin is nearly perfect, and in an action-oriented film, no less.

So it starts to rain and I'm late for the dentist. This is nothing new, as I'll probably be late for my own funeral. You can all relate, I'm sure. Being on time is weird to me. I'm a free spirit, man, so don't harsh my vibes, capeesh?

So back at the dentist. X-rays show cavities in my front teeth. No shit doc, thats why they hurt, so fix them shits. I get numbed up and he starts drilling, and as soon as the drill hits the tooth a shooting pain grabs hold and I yelp and squirm. Not a good sign. More Novocaine is injected into the roof of mein mouth, making my face numb, from the front teeth to the inside of my nose.

An hour has passed. Dr. Dentist starts drilling again. Again the shooting pain rapes my face with awe inspiring agony. Dentist looks around awkwardly and leaves. He comes back 5 minutes later and tells me that I need a root canal. MOTHERFUCKING COCKSHIT PISSLIPS!!!

I got referred to a root canal specialist, and I'm getting it done at 10:15am tomorrow (today).

The drive back to the city was not pleasant. My face was numb without purpose. My lips were plumped to L.A. housewife proportions. I felt like a lonely knight without a dragon to slay. I felt like my metaphors didn't fit my situation.

And yet...the day was not over. I felt a glimmer of hope that the day wasn't in tatters. It was only 4pm, so I went to a diner with my friend Sierra, and tried to approximate a chewing motion on a turkey club. Not completely unsuccessful, but there was bread everywhere.

From there, we hung out at her place. An hour passed and the sky darkened unnaturally. I got a call from my mom telling me to stay inside because a huge storm was rolling through. She was right. It was the gnarliest lighting storm in years, with full-blown bolts touching down everywhere.

Sierra took some eerie pictures, and if the camera had night vision, it would look like CNN footage from Iraq or any other city where hell hath taken over the night sky. Windy, apocalyptic storm shaking the ground was way cool. Probably not so cool for the homeless, but I'm not them, so who cares? (I kid, I kid...maybe)

Haw Haw!
(via English Russia)

After the worst of the storms passed, Sierra and I thought it would be a capital idea to prank call people we know using the computer text speech function on her computer. We used each other's phones so people wouldn't recognize who was calling. Remember doing shit like that when you were a kid? Well, it's just as fun now as it was back then. I gotta remember to do shit like that more often.

And that was my day. Half good, and half bad.

Now if you don't mind, I have a root canal in the morning and need some shuteye.

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